MARISSA !

2012-02-10T00:58:00.001+08:00

4 months since we got back from Xiamen. Is it me or is this semester is going at the speed of light? I don't want this semester to end. Just so sad.

Tomorrow marks the last tutorial class with #oipxiamen :< I'll really miss them, been so long since I felt this comfortable with a class.

I need to study. Brain just keeps turning off. I feel unprepared ahhhhhhh :<

Met with my LO today and I have to say I'm quite excited for internship to start! Hope it would be good heh.

Can't wait for xiamen trip after intern!!!!!!! Can't wait to walk through zhong shan lu again, can't wait to sleep on the beds of wen lian again, can't wait to eat ytf again, can't wait can't wait.

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2012-02-05T01:06:00.000+08:00

This week is nothing but having fun and feeling tired :>

Driving was kind of okay, hope to improve further!! I can and must do it. Dinner with slowpoke last night was so good, I laughed sososo badly. How I wished we could all go back to the past.. best times ever, laughing every single day #missthosetimes. Lunch with the BS people yesterday too, like finally. I miss them so much, was just commenting that we are seldom meeting now and then there's a lunch outing. But with internship coming, most of us can't meet in school anymore, we need outings during the holidays :>

Yacht todayy!! So cool I swear heh, thanks tzezi for the invite! :> Really enjoyed myself but I got sunburnt.. what's new. Studied at vivo till late and ate carl's junior, so fattening lo.... #fatdieus

2012-01-30T23:25:00.001+08:00

Finally, I see the light at the end of the tunnel. This will be the end.

2012-01-29T12:44:00.000+08:00

I never never put myself down so low for a person before. Never thought everything I did is just nothing to you. Never thought you could disregard me just like that. It makes me feel so dumb. It makes me feel like I'm so naïve to think that way.

How did you do it so easily? Like I wasn't there. Why did you asked me to go in the first place? Why why why.

I feel cheated, I feel like I've been slapped in the face, I feel like I'm just a person who you don't even think of as a friend anymore, I feel insignificant, I feel broken.

☹

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2012-01-27T00:10:00.002+08:00

Oh you're so much more than them
They've all become just friends
They just don't understand
The way you understand

I honestly feel that I am incapable of loving again.

2012-01-23T16:28:00.003+08:00

Happy CNY! :>
I guess cny has lost its meaning. There's no hype no mood this year at all. The two days holiday are of no meaning to me cause there's no school on mondays and tuesdays for me in the first place. Maybe this cny came a little too early. Maybe cause my grandparents went overseas this year and we didn't go to the usual houses to bai nian. This day is just so boring.
Anyway, CNY eve was not bad :) Had steamboat at gavriel's house! And my uncle just keep forcing me to drink shot after shot, cup after cup. Was feeling so dizzy but I got to control infront of the family hahaha. Quite fun tbh, tequila pop! Hahaha.

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2012-01-21T01:16:00.002+08:00

This week have been tiring.

IL is finally over :> Rocket pitch went well I guess, think we are the only group who adhered to the requirements heh. BAShine maincomm interview was hmm. Cannot get over the shock I got when that guy poured water on his head :< #weird

Watched contraband and had jap buffet. The movie sucks eeee worst movie of the year so far, so boring until we can take picture in the cinema #okcan. 2D1N the next day and it was goooood :> Had sucha good time there but I think I'm not going back there for a while.. There's this crazy indian guy who keeps shouting in the bus and we thought he was scolding us cause we were too smelly HAHAHAHA

Shuting's going msia tmr, anntan's going hongkong tmr, ojx going tw tmr. #emo No one left to entertain me you mei you. I'll miss you guys, have funnnnn!! <3

2012-01-16T20:11:00.006+08:00

Now and then I think of when we were togetherLike when you said you felt so happy you could dieI told myself that you were right for me,But felt so lonely in your companyBut that was love and it's an ache I still remember
You can get addicted to a certain kind's sadnessLike resignation to the end, always the endSo when we found that we could not make senseWell you said that we would still be friendsBut I'll admit that I was glad it was over
But you didn't have to cut me offMake out like it never happened and that we were nothingI don't even need your love, but you treat me like a strangerAnd that feels so rough
No, you didn't have to stoop so lowHave your friends collect you recordsAnd then change your numberGuess that I don't need that thoughNow you're just somebody that I used to know
Now you're just somebody that I used to knowNow you're just somebody that I used to know
Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me overBut had me believin it was always something that I'd doneBut I don't wanna' live that way,reading into every word you sayYou said that you could let it go,and I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know-oh-oh
but you didn't have cut me outMake out like it never happened and that we were nothing (oh)I don't even need your love, but you treat me like a strangerand that feels so rough
(oh)
No, you didn't have to stoop so lowHave your friends collect you recordsAnd then change your number (oh)Guess that I don't need that thoughNow you're just somebody that I used to know
somebody that I used to knowsomebody (now your just somebody that I used to know)that I used to knowsomebody that I used to knowsomebody (somebody)that I used to know
I used to knowThat I used to knowI used to knowSomebody

#storyofmylife

2012-01-13T23:30:00.000+08:00

This day remains close to my heart. 2 years ago, my life in NP started and well, I met many people who have made a difference in my life.

The week have been strangely tiring so far. Can't seem to get enough sleep or rest, time need to slow down for a while there. Such a fatty week, Manhatten F&C, fried oreos, fried mars bar, fried sweet potato fries, pasta and seoul garden. But they all tasted so good :> Need to cut down sooooon!

everyone's partying tonight and I'm just here in the comfort of my home. Sometimes, this is all I need :>

2012-01-11T22:12:00.003+08:00

#tumblr

2012-01-05T22:50:00.000+08:00

What have I done? I wish I could
Away from this ship goin’ under
Just tryin’ to help, hurt everyone
Now I feel the weight of the world is
On my shoulders

What can you do when your good isn’t good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
‘Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow

Day 4 of school. School have been really draggy... my brain is still not working properly and I hate this feeling :< Hope it gets better, I can't afford to screw up this term up. CT results have been fine so far. Cost graded classwork today is bullshit, wo de tian ah. I think most of us can't do it lol #screwed

Well, got into omf. I don't know whether to be happy or sad or scared lol. Quite sad that not everyone got in and damn scared cause I don't know anyone there :< I was thinking if I can be so inferior in oip already, this would be x1000 worse. #haizblux Must step out of my comfort zone!

The feeling of not being able to console your friends when they're sad is damn sucky wo de tian ah. I just don't know how to react. Its like I want to help but I kind of feel that I would make things even worse/sad :< The feeling of being so helpless is really damn sucky and just urgh!!!! To my friends who are unhappy cause of CTs or other stuff, don't be sad cause everything will be fine in the end alright!!! :> *HUGGGGG*

Does it never end?
Will I ever win with you?

2012-01-02T18:28:00.000+08:00

Why do we ask if we already know the answers?
Why do we not ask when we don't know anything?
Irony

New year resolutions, I know I ALWAYS don't stick to them but at least I keep trying. Maybe this time, it will work :>

LOSE WEIGHT. MUST MUST MUST. I'm just a fat ball rolling round and round. Ew.
Work harder in studies. Please do all tutorials and listen in lectures.
No more being high and stupid. I always regret what I did in the morning..
Try harder in maintaining relationships with people I love/like
The same resolution I made last year. I'm getting there, I can do this.

2012 will be full of changes, lets embrace them!

2011-12-31T15:07:00.003+08:00

31 December 2011
Time for a recap of 2011 :>

January
DPA'11 Camp. What an experience. I was the group leader for G6. Got to know a lot of awesome juniors such as Anthony and Fairuz. Got closer to Kelly in the process too. It was tough at first but it helped me to grow in character. So glad to have joined this camp. DPA - Friendships never end here.

February
Exams! It was quite okay if I remember correctly. Went for DPA'11 IJ challenge which is a day before BSTATS exam. It was so fun although I didn't study much as a result. Worth it :> Laughed so much that night. Valentine Day and I finally have a date HAHAHA. Watched *Just go with it* and we walked almost 3km to dempsey hill for B&J! Nice day spent and thanks for the present.

March
BAOW preparation! Was a subcomm and I guess it might just be one of the best experiences of the year. Got to know the awesome team, ShuTing and Leon <3 as well as other awesome people such as Fiona & Co <3 Although there are politics in the committee, I had fun this month. The dance practices, buying of logistics, recee and late dinners, they are so memorable. Really learned a lot about event planning, so glad I joined this despite nobody joining it with me.
JTWM's birthday celebration was epicly fun and dramatic. Really thank you for everything that day. So glad we talked it out and everything's fine now. heh.

April
Got back results and it was good. Happy much. Failed surprise for Charlotte but it was a good potluck! Tanya Chua concert!!! Whoo really enjoyed it, thanks Winnie for accompany me to watch it. Start and end of BAOW. Bittersweet ending I guess. 1 month of hardwork for this 3 days. Yes, there are hiccups and stuff but we survived :> Struggled with school and it was really quite tough. Especially when I skipped 4 lectures in the first week lol.

May
May uh may. Nothing much happened I guess. ECP and XLB outing with the XLBs, enjoyed myself as usual. We cycled all the way to Changi whoooo! Good catch up with them. Which reminds me that I haven't met them since the day before I left for Xiamen. I miss them so much :<

June
BAShine fundrasing event. It was fun even though we didn't manage to raise much funds. Had fun with all the volunteers. Got to know more people too heh. BAAppreciation camp too. Was part of Gryffindor! First camp sleeping in the classrooms haha. I'm the one of the two Y2s in the group though lol, seems so old. Sentosa for amazing race and we danced Hoot for performance night, epic much hahaha.
Picnic with awesome of 10 then MBS stayover with Shuting & Co! Whooo, the view is really good and we watched movie till we dozed off, as usual. Thanks for invite, Shuting :>

July
Operation Juvi II, BAShine subcomm interview, CLSP project. What a busy month, really. I was quite stressed out, to be honest, especially towards OJ. However, OJ have opened my eyes to more than just planning an event. We really had to do so much more but we really learned a lot through this process. We collected 7k pieces of clothing which is really good, in my opinion. heh. If I have the chance, I would do it again and again and again. CLSP project is a bitch. So much work to do. SO GLAD ITS OVER AND DONE WITH AND WHOO, WE GOT AN A. YAY

August
EXAMS. BAShine Camp. Studies hard for exams. I think I went out almost everyday to study. Feels good to be able to tackle the exam papers ^^ Camp was good and bad, I guess? Not much comments but I think it brought us together. A lot of problems but we did somehow solved it. Had birthday surprise during camp! Was really touched but they forced me to something so disgusting HAHAHA. Had to juggle camp and OIP stuff at the same time and it was mad tiring. urgh but learning dance with the oip people is fun fun fun!!

September
Birthday celebrations. All celebrated my birthday in advance because it falls during my china trip haha. I remember dreading it sosososo much, counting down the dates is like torture. 2D1N with XLBs and we went to the airport to send the SH people off. We smelled damn bad la hahaha, leon shuting and me. Went home to pack and it was my flight the next morning. Thanks to those who came to send me off, especially NCW who baked for me aww <3
Xiamen was nothing short of amazing. Good and bad stuff happened but it made me stronger as a person. Drama much during the trip but I'm glad we all came through. I really enjoyed this 5 weeks with the other 41 people who went. Xiamen had changed me, totally. I will never forget this trip, ever. Memories and friendships formed. I miss and love every single one of you.

October
First week of october was a blast! Sleep all day and party all night! Back to reality on 9 Oct :< Chionged projects all the way and seriously, drained out. Met up with quite a number of people too :> Can't stop missing Xiamen. Start of the new sem and I'm glad that #oipxiamen keep trying to meet up and stuff. Heh, awesome much. New semester sucks so badly :< #emo I can't understand most stuff during lectures urgh.

November
Ideawerz Challenge and we got third nyannyan. Didn't expect to win anything but yay. Quite wild this month haha, told you Xiamen has changed me..
Batam trip was goooood! Enjoyed myself and had a lot of fun with the kids over there! I LOVE DA TOU!!! I wanna go again next year :> So meaningful you mei you.

December
December whoo. CTs, quite stressed out though. It went fine though haha. Passed my BTT heh. Time for driving!! 3 days of xmas celebration, STEAMBOAT. Fat die me but really had fun with the different groups of people. #oipxiamen chalet was good as well. Whoo love them all. Night activities were good as well, hahaha night owl seriously.
Had gift exchange with my babies yesterday and stayover! Got to see the other side of some of them, hmm be happy :> Damn tired now though..

2011 changed me. Full of ups and downs. But I'm really glad for the changes this year. I believe the good memories this year is definitely more than bad memories. So thankful to have meet the people that I met this year. You guys know who you are okay(I think I don't have to mention names la but ohwell) ;), especially shuting leon ann kelly #oipxiamen cym clement etc. Thank you all for such an amazing year.

okay la, I feel quite guilty but I honestly wanted to post about this while I first typed this post. Although sometimes I don't show it or what, but I honestly am grateful that I got into BAShine and got to know Ann and Kelly much better. I think you guys really give the right advice to me almost everytime. Really thankful to know you two seriously. The people that I can go to to just talk crap or bitch bout people or just HTHTs, wah I really appreciate it serious from the bottom of my heart. Hehehe I love you two, muackssssss!!!

2011-12-27T14:21:00.000+08:00

The year is ending and I'm quite excited to do a recap of the year! This year have been nothing short of extraordinary :>

Finally one rest day at home. Have been reaching home later than 12midnight for the past few days. Exhausted but it was really fun and good to spend some time with different groups of friends. 3 days of steamboat is fattening but heh, so fun to prepare the food together! I watched *We bought a zoo* with the xiamen people and it was really inspiring. 20 seconds of courage, that's all I need.

Today is supposedly tutorials and projects day but I'm way too lazy. What's new? I need to finish all of them by tonight so I can enjoy the remaining days of 2011, I don't want to waste any of them.

So.. I deleted the old tumblr. Like finally but the next moment, I created a new one. lol. New tumblr, new start. All is well.

Things changed, life will still move on. Remember this.

2011-12-25T01:30:00.000+08:00

Merry Christmas!

Past two days were time well spent with friends over steamboat :> Feels good to just talk and laugh with them. Took my mind off some stuff that I don't wish to think about.

Trying to act like nothing's wrong. Feels the need to share but then again, I don't feel like it. What an irony.

trying my best not to post anything related on social media. This blog's my escape I guess.

2011-12-22T10:55:00.001+08:00

Please don't give up, I'm working it out
Please don't give in, I won't let you down.

Last night was strangely fun yet " " I don't know how to put it in a word. I had fun just that... idk, I was too high again? Got scolded mad a lot of times lol but I know its meant well. Ohwell, so sorry guys for being such an out of control person yesterday.

Anyway, met quite a number of old friends yesterday! Pretty cool to see them but reallyreally shocked to see some of them. Its like woah they still managed to remember me and call out my name lol. Bet some were shocked to see me in there hahaha.

Rollercoaster ride. One moment we're good, one moment we're not. Tired.

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2011-12-17T16:28:00.000+08:00

Waiting and waiting and waiting. Waiting for a text to come in seems to be the longest wait ever.

School's out for now! Gonna party all day and night... loljk there's projects to be done. Yesterday was crazily epic and fun! Bowling, pool, tzechar and party! If only time can rewind, wouldn't mind if I can relive it over and over again.

Work hard, play hard. #life

Pretty much spent my entire life so far trying to please people, help them and compromise for them. Come to think of it, do they even feel grateful? Do they even cherish the friendships that we have? Do they even help me back when I need help? Sometimes I really feel unappreciated. Sometimes I really feel used. Sometimes I really hate being a backup plan when I treat them as a priority. All I need is appreciation and help when I need them, like how I would help when they need me. But life isn't that easy I guess.

2011-12-13T09:46:00.000+08:00

Physical company.

On the way to school for consultation and cca. Just plain dumb to schedule cca during CT week. Urgh disgusted, some people are just so self-centred.

It will be a good week, it must. Can't wait can't wait can't wait for the holidays. Need a break..

I'm grateful for the support, really. Thank you.

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2011-12-06T22:00:00.000+08:00

Thinking bout life... when I'm supposed to be studying.

Does all changes and happenings in life happens for good reasons? Or they simply just happens? After everything, do we become a better person or for the worse? And if we became worse, why do we allow them to happen? Why do we allow them to change? I guess its beyond our control. Change is constant. Sometimes, change brings about things that we want badly to happen or makes us lose things we never ever want to lose.

Irony of life. Maybe its just part and parcel of life.

I guess there is both sides to the changes and happenings. We just have to see the correct or rather positive side. But.. sometimes I just cannot see any positive sides to a change/happening. Pessimistic? Maybe. But maybe there isn't any positive sides to it, perhaps?

This whole post is just nonsense. Nonsense from a brain that is overworked and fried. Nonsense from a person who is tired of being unable to find any good things arising from some changes and happenings in life.

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2011-12-05T10:39:00.000+08:00

Tumblr

2011-12-03T10:16:00.002+08:00

Was such a good day yesterday until the last part of the day. It feels like every part of me is broken. I don't know what happened but it just did. Feels like what happened in the past will happen again and it sucks :<
Don't leave.. don't behave like this.. I can't handle one more time of you leaving. The previous time was such a torture. Don't, tell me what happened so we can work it out.

I just miss you and our conversations so much.

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2011-11-29T09:51:00.001+08:00

终于想通了 :>

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2011-11-28T00:47:00.000+08:00

you know sometimes you're afraid to make conversations with some people because you feel you will be judged. Yep, its happening to me right now and it sucks :< Scared of being judged, scared of being shot down. Scared that things will not be the same as before. I need to overcome this obstacle.

I know I'm too mean but I can't help it. Hope this is only a phase and it will be like before. If you read this, I'm really sorry. I don't mean to treat you like this, it just.. i don't even know how to explain this feeling.

Quite bored of playing. Not really my kind of things I guess.

2011-11-21T12:07:00.000+08:00

Elearning week this week but no! Workload is probably twice as much as normal school days. But I will be able to screw my body clock once again. This time round, maybe my liver as well.

In school now to do ideawerkz and fit project. haiz keith so chiong so crazy, hope I won't be burden again!! Drinking tonight again since parents' out of town. Bad habit bad habit but the feeling is so good. lol bad.

This time, it will be a secret. A secret between us.

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2011-11-17T10:28:00.001+08:00

So bored in COST lecture right now. I don't even know what she's talking about most of the time. I don't even know why I bothered to wake up so early to come here. Such a screwed up module with a screwed up lecturer and a screwed up tutor.

Time passes so quickly its scary. 3 more weeks and its the common tests. Like woah, we just barely started school! I haven't really got into the whole school mood, which is really bad. No motivation to do anything school related whatsoever. I hope I'll survive the elearning week first though.

Quite excited for the OIP gathering this coming wednesday. Really hope to see everyone again :>

I'm sorry but what else can I do? I chose friends back then and I would do the same now.
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2011-11-13T09:06:00.000+08:00

Heyy

Everything is kind of settled now! Relieved though I'm so tired. Lack of sleep. I hope everything will be worth it in the end.

I really miss how things were in the past. I know we can never get it back anymore.

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2011-11-05T12:28:00.000+08:00

This week has been a rollercoaster ride.

Monday to Wednesday was good then it just went downhill.

No school on monday and tuesday. Had picnic at marina barrage with the oip people. It was damn good to see almost everyone of them together again. How I know time just stop there and we could be like how we were in xiamen. Guess I had too much fun that day, thursday and friday just couldn't measure up.

Realised I am lagging behind on a lot of stuff, be it studies/cca/friends/other commitment. Its like I am detached from all of this. I'm afraid.

Studies, internship choices, BAShine, Ideawerkz, OMF interview. I hope I can juggle all of them well. If only.

2011-10-27T00:20:00.002+08:00

Main objective in life? Be happy.

2011-10-16T19:13:00.000+08:00

Officially one week since I came back.

This week passed so quickly its scary. Projects from monday to thursday. Woah quite happy with my productivity cause I will never be able to do it in xiamen. The handing in of long report marks the very end of Xiamen OIP but we all know it will never end for us.

Been going out with various people this week and woah, I miss them so much. Its remarkable how 5weeks never change some friendships at all. This is when you know they are true friends. I know some friendships are not the same anymore but ohwell, that's life. Even though I really dislike this change but we all have to embrace it.

Probably time to stop raving bout Xiamen cause I know its has been nonstop ever since I got back. Time to adapt back into Singapore's lifestyle. Time to stop thinking constantly bout the past amazing 5weeks. Time to move on.

Idk why some people would get to know what some of us did there but keep your comments to yourself. Some stuff are just not meant to be shared and talked about I guess. Just my thoughts.

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2011-10-10T15:28:00.000+08:00

5 weeks. God, I miss Xiamen.

I miss how we can hang out 24/7 with everyone.
I miss the fried rice.
I miss the yong tau foo.
I miss the bubbletea.
I miss the seafood bbq.
I miss the 1RMB bus rides.
I miss cheap cabs.
I miss walking up the Xiamen Hill.
I miss dancing with the foreigners.
I miss playing Mafia.
I miss going to the rooftop.
I miss shopping.
I miss Zhong Shan Lu.
I miss chionging projects in the room with pile of snacks.
I miss watching cartoons in the morning.
I miss how the housekeeper people wakes us up in the morning to clean the room.
I miss nuaing on the bed.
I miss the movie nights.
I miss the HTHTs.
I miss the inside jokes of the whole OIP Xiamen team.
I miss the excursions we had.
I miss Haji lane.
I miss Helen's
I miss 1801.
I miss dancing.
I miss spoiling my liver.
I miss beatboxing together.
I miss the beach.
I miss the weather.
I miss the free deliveries.
This list is never ending. I miss everything about Xiamen. I miss everyone.

In this 5 weeks, I have learned a lot. I have grown, in terms of character and experience. No regrets signing up for this trip. I gained more than I have ever expected. This is an one in a lifetime experience and I'm glad to spend this 5 weeks with all of you. I love you all, from the bottom of my heart <3

2011-09-29T15:31:00.000+08:00

Last night was a blur. I guess its not in my nature to do such things or say such things. I can't believe what i did too. Its like the other side of me that no one have ever see before. I do not think it is lack of self control. Maybe its an escape. Maybe its a relief for me. I don't know.

But I'm never gonna behave like this ever again. Not anymore.

2011-09-28T00:15:00.002+08:00

Cause I can't help but to think of the impossible.

2011-09-24T23:44:00.000+08:00

heyy

Tomorrow marks the end of my third week in Xiamen. Quite reluctant to leave this place cause I'm enjoying life here. On the other hand, I miss all the people in Singapore right now.

Anyway! Feeling a little blue this few days. I don't know how to comprehend this, it is just like last year all over again. Got to stop this.

To you, please cheer up k! You know we are always here for you. Don't keep it inside, cry if you want, rant if you want. I won't judge. I will be there for you :> Cheer up k!!

2011-09-15T23:49:00.001+08:00

Heyy! :>

It is already the 11th day in Xiamen! Time passes so quickly now, so unlike the first week! Have been enjoying life so far, its been fun with all the people around me!

Now we got beatbox as the activity of the Xiamen OIP team hehe, so funny only. Anyway, finished up 30% of BCOMM already! Got back networking grade and going to get back business message test grade tomorrow! Ohwellz, tomorrow we gonna get back our sem 2.2 results too, nervous max. I just hope to maintain my gpa!

We are going to cocacola tomorrow whoooo, hope its good and better than today's visit.

I'm happy with my project mates, girls power whoo!

2011-09-10T18:26:00.001+08:00

I reallyreally miss a lot of people, especially you. I miss talking to you, especially when you're there and I'm here. We are so far apart.

Ohwell, thank goodness I still can whatsapp with the team everydayyy! :> I love you two! <3

Anyway, we finally have xlb todayyyy! :> TOTALLY WORTH THE WALK AND ITS DAMN CHEAP. Its like one long is less than 2sgd and it have 8 in one long! :> Skin is super thin and super juicy omg. Thinking about it makes me miss it so much, I WANT TO EAT IT AGAIN. We finished up 10longs and it wasnt enough HAHAHA. Beer is damn cheap here toooooo! Where do you buy a big bottle of beer for RMB4?! HEHEHE AWESOME LUNCH WHOOOOOOO. LOVING IT SO MUCH, we even made a video about it. Heh

Ohyeah, should blog about my birthdayyy! :> Had an awesome one this year! Eddy came to my room to pass me my present heh. Leon's emails are supersupersuper sweet and touching <3 Mad love <3<3<3 The celebrations I had before coming to Xiamen were really :') The whole class went to celebrate for me at a steamboat restaurant and we had an awesome cheesecake birthday cake whoo! :> Was really touched :> I really appreciate everyone's wishes! <3

2011-09-08T21:47:00.000+08:00

HEYYY!

4th day in xiamen! Quite okay I guess, just not used to the toilet and the internet! Time passes by so slowly, feels like I have been here for weeks!

Ohwell, went to H&M last night, awesome much. Followed by dinner which was damn awesome with the girls! :> Right now, we are just slacking in the room trying to do our OIE project hahaha. Procrastinate ttm, keep getting off track. But my grouping is gooooood :>

Can sleep in tomorrow whoooo FINALLY

Cultural shock.

2011-09-05T01:53:00.000+08:00

Last night in Singapore before I leave for China for 5 weeks.

Today has been good! Woke up super early to send Eddy off then went to Shuting's house for lunch with ann! Was pretty fun I guess! Leon came and we went to shopped for our birthday presents! Bought a formal shirt, just nice for bcomm2 :> Went off to settle some stuff then met up with the rest for korean bbq buffet! Ate until we are all so smelly :<

Went to send the Shanghai people off! Quite sad to see some of my friends gone for 5 weeks. Had a sudden realisation that its gonna be my turn the next day and I feel damn sad :( I don't know how to survive this 5 weeks without my family and close friends around. I hope I can go through this 5 weeks smoothly.

Till then.

2011-09-03T01:23:00.000+08:00

Had an almost perfect day todayy! :>

Photoshoot early in the morning! Was quite alright, just that my eyebrows really cannot :< Ohwellz, stayed at IT helpdesk for almost 2 hours to solve the vpn problem, okcan.

Anyway, went to meet BFFs at orchard! They bluff me that ncw is not coming already cause of some hdb stuff? I was quite disappointed, to be honest. Ohwell so we shopped around then went to chijmes for carnivore :> &&&&& ncw was there! Heh I knew it all along though. The staff sang me a happy birthday song in brazilian, pretty cool. Had to pull down a pinata that contains a lot of sweets and chocolate! Meat buffet was alright, love the cheese balls :>

ohohoh! ncw baked me a cake and put some photos of us around it <3 Aww like so sweet. But there's one photo that brings back some bad memories haha, ohwell.

whooooo the night was goooood :>

I love all of you <3 4 of you never fails to be there for me <3

2011-09-01T23:02:00.000+08:00

I can't do this, I really cannot.

I KNOW I HAVE BEEN COMPLAINING DAY AND NIGHT ABOUT THIS BUT WALAO, I REALLY CANNOT.

It sucks when this happens, I can't lose this another time. Its killing me slowly, everyday. This 5 weeks will really end all of this and I am helpless. I can't do anything to change this. Ahhhhh :(

It doesn't help when the past continues to haunt me at a daily basis. Sucks when just one minor thing can trigger every little thing.

Can't believe I'm crying while typing this post. I am a loser.

No one will understand what I'm going through right now.

2011-08-31T23:16:00.000+08:00

Heyyy!

BAShine Camp 2011 have officially come to an end! Can really say that I learned a lot from this camp, be it in character or experience. Really am grateful for everyone who came together and make this camp happen :> It might not be the best camp but I know we all gained something from it.

The second night was the best. Touched by everyone's actions and gectures. Never expected them to reflect upon themselves and then come up to all of us and apologise. Just so shocked but in a good way ofc :> Had a surprise birthday celebration from the committee as well! Was reallyreally happy and touched by it. I never expected them to remember and celebrate it in advance. I love all of you, really.

Right now, its just another 5 days before I depart for China. I was thinking about this when we went to sleep last night. I am really sad to leave all of them here while I go to another foreign land for 5 weeks. Just so sad.. I just wished everything would remain the same, even after 5 weeks. I will miss all of my friends :(

2011-08-29T17:30:00.000+08:00

Me iz so dead tired. No joke.

Slept for 3hours+ and workshop from 9am to 5pm is really cannot. I feel so tired I can cry.

Idk why but I feel that this is not the way we want things to turn out. I think its a lil screwed. But I shall have faith and hope this can be better.

Excited for the night though!

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2011-08-28T00:18:00.000+08:00

Heyy

Tomorrow marks the start of the busybusy week. I hope this camp can go smoothly and as planned! Hopefully, the campers will have fun :>

Exams are overrrr! :> Went for dim sum buffet and got my early birthday present! heh. They bought me a crumpler camera bag nyannyan, gonna use it in china! Dance practice was surprisingly fun, hopefully it will be as fun in xiamen.

Clique outing today! We. Need. To. Have. One. More. After. Oip! Love you all <3

2011-08-25T15:31:00.001+08:00

Whooooo!

Last paper last paper last paper tomorrowwwwww!

Done with FMGT, stupid careless again. #forever Didn't leave early cause I went to check for careless but still missed out one :( ohwellz its over already!

Can't wait for tomorrow! Dim sum buffet omnomnomnom. It has been too long yumz.

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2011-08-23T15:33:00.001+08:00

Got to stop all this nonsense. I got to wake up. This is so stupid, I cannot stand it anymore. Argh. #stupidmariisstupid I am stronger than this. I can do it.

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2011-08-20T18:00:00.000+08:00

Head have been hurting since I woke up yesterday morning. This is really bad. Feels like someone is squeezing my head like a lemon.

On a brighter note, audit is over. See you again next year!

Have been visiting the past these few days. Bittersweet memories. I miss the past. I miss my friends. I miss my bestfriends. I miss you and you and you and you. Ultimately, I just miss the happy times with you.

15 more days to China. Kill me. Totally dreading it.

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2011-08-18T11:39:00.001+08:00

Just woke up. Well, kind of fail cause I didn't study a single shit after I reached home last night. Told myself, 10mins nap and you shall go study. Fell asleep till 7+ with all the lights and stuff on. Yup, my mum woke up for work and had to ask me to sleep properly ha ha ha. Haiz

Audit's tomorrow and I reallyreally want an A. Shall be productive today.

What's wrong with you? Or rather, what's wrong with me. I look forward to it so much and when it comes, I just had to end it so abruptly. Really too much. Ohwell, guess this is defense mechanism.

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2011-08-15T13:56:00.001+08:00

Recalled how we met and everything we've done together. If it isn't love what else could it be?

Twitter

Studying at starbucks right now and kinda feel that there is an overload of emotions. Maybe its the playlist or maybe its just the tweets that I'm seeing. Feeling a tinge of emptiness. ANYWAY, LET'S STUDY AND MAKE TODAY PRODUCTIVE.

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2011-08-14T14:12:00.000+08:00

You're so easy to fall in love with
But not this time, not anymore.

Had a great day yesterdayy! :D it has been so long since I felt this contented and happy :> Can't wait for exams to end then I can enjoy my short holidays before I go xiamen.. :(

I should study until I die but I'm watching hk drama now. #procrastinationkills

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2011-08-13T01:03:00.000+08:00

Heyy!

Had a mini gathering with some primary school friends just now! :> Had salted caramel and we went to liquid kitchen to have a drink! Quite cool huh, from naive 12year olds to being adults and drinking and chatting. Time flies and waits for no one. Took quite a number of photos. Hope to have class gathering soon, probably when I come back from china! :>

Been studying all this while, not productive I guess. #foreversleeping Can only hope to get through this 3 exams smoothly.

Study and dinner with the team tomorrowwww! <3 Its been too long since I last had dinner with this two. nyannyannyan.

2011-08-10T23:17:00.000+08:00

Heyy

It have been a long long day and I'm exhausted. I have not touched my notes at all today and I'm really guilty. Really too much, time is running out :< Supposed to check out the bags this morning but nothing's done except to eat pizza hut hahaha #fail. Back to school to watch movie. I guess I watched it like the 3rd time already but its still nice :> BANG was not bad, just wasn't so fantastic for me though!

Received a text from someone and I'm feeling so happy :> Although I know you only remembers me whenever you need something, but I will still be here for you :> This promise, I will never break.

feeeeeeling so hurt.

2011-08-09T03:16:00.000+08:00

Here comes the study week again, which means staying up till wee hours and thinking a lot.

I hate to be misunderstood and worse, get scolded for it. I mean, if you're unhappy with it, tell me? I rather you tell me than to scold me on social networking sites. Yup. The feeling of getting scolded when you did nothing wrong, you know that feeling?

I don't know if I'm doing what I should do. I hate getting attached to some people then one day, they leave. I don't like people walking out of my life, friends that I treasure a lot. I'm worried that this 5 weeks in China would change everything, friends family studies and some other stuff. I'm scared, for real. I need assurance that things are gonna be the same. But no matter how much assurance I get, I know things are going to change. Change is the only constant in life. When life gets hectic, we tend to forget that there are people who we should and need to stay in contact with. You can't deny it. Even now, with the exams nearing, I have already sort of gave up on maintaining friendships with some people. Not that I don't want to, its just that I'm just too busy. Moreover, why should I always be the one who initiate it? Communication is a two-way thing.

This really suck, its always during this time frame that I will be feeling like shit. I should get back to studying. #unproductivedayonceagain

2011-08-07T15:57:00.000+08:00

I'm still in my bed at this timing. Finally there's a day where I can wake up late and disregard everything else.

Yesterday was BACare event and subcomm bonding day! I think clement, jiahui, lewis and me are crazy to go for the event. It was at 7am omg. Ohwell, at least the job was easy. After that, headed home to change while clement and lewis waited for me at central :)

Subcomm bonding day was gooood! :> I had fun and the food was omnomnomnom. Headed off for dinner with some of them and whooo, I had fun talking to them :) Settled some camp stuff too so it was a productive day. Really enjoyed myself with them nyannyan.

Through it all, I can say that I worked hard enough to deserve this.

I'm not sad anymore cause I know I deserve it more than those who got it. I was meant for greater stuff :) #quotesfromroxanne
This is for honghui too! :>

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2011-08-06T00:38:00.000+08:00

Usually, I just stare at this space for God knows how long. And no words come out. Its not supposed to be like this, there are tons of stuff I want to type in here but I can't get them out. Why? I don't know, maybe I guess I don't want to be judged. People judge, whether they want to or not.

omg the hk drama I'm watching now is so scary ._. T.T Who the hell would be so sick to think of such storyline urgh.

Disappointments after disappointments. When will I ever get my way? Maybe never.

Looking forward to subcomm bonding day tomorrow even though ann, aizhen and derick are not going :< What am I'm gonna do without them? Joining this might just be one of the best decisions I have made in my life.

2011-08-04T18:42:00.001+08:00

And all you wanted was things to be fine. Life isn't that easy. I guess I just have to lower expectations and see how it goes.

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2011-08-04T01:12:00.000+08:00

Yet another day, full of ups and downs.

First half of the day was good. EAA test went well and I survived 2 dry revision lectures. Camp registration was gooooood! :> I'm happy with the number, ohyeah (y) Went off for crab feast at thomson! whoo! Satisfied much.

Well, I guess not a single day can be filled with perfection. Drama, yet again. I don't know how to feel anymore. Anger? Sadness? Hurt? Disappointed? Frustrated? I guess it's a mixture of them. I really hope the situation turns well, I'm so sick and tired of having this shit every single time.

I miss the old times. When it was way easier for me, when I was happy, truly happy. I guess change is the only constant in life and we got to move on and get used to the every changing hectic world.

Don't be sad anymore. You know I'm here. I'm always here, here for you in whatever you do. Do not lose hope, do not feel inferior cause unlike the others, you're real. I know those advices probably won't help cause I've been through it. Do what you wanna do, just know I will support you always. Cheer up, J <3

2011-08-02T23:10:00.000+08:00

Life have been damn mundane and sad and sian and everything sucky.

I mean yes, there are happy times, especially with BAShine but still :< Haiz, thought we are done for CLSP but NO, found some super duper stupid mistake. Urgh want to kill myself.

I feel so sad today. It just hits me suddenly, idk why, maybe there's a lot of stuff happening around me. Sometimes when I walk home from the busstop, I want to cry ._. wahpiang like some pms woman.

HAIZ LIFE SUCKS. I SUCK. SCHOOL SUCKS.

:(

I think I got depression ._.

2011-07-29T17:13:00.001+08:00

Heyy

The hell week has finally ended. Just so tiring and torturous. Staying back every single day to do CLSP project, its madness. Its even more tedious cause we have to do it in school. I guess my group did okay :) we managed to finish it on thursday night although we panicked around midnight cause of the forms. Stayed back in school till almost midnight on thursday, like whaa only. I'm never gonna work in a corporate secretarial services firm, NEVER.

So glad its over. Took back audit which I passed, I was so surprised! My mind was blank when I was doing it. IFA test was good :) ohwell, turned out the class all have their notes on the table even though its closed book heh.

Right now, I'm on my way to celebrate my BFFs' birthdays ♥ so excited to eat buffet hehehe. Hope it will good :)

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2011-07-26T00:07:00.000+08:00

I should be studying now but I'm forever stuck to this white evil thing.

I'm so stressed right now. Things are piling up like nobody's business. CLSP project is really too much. I feel that there's no learning point for me at all. There's IFA test this friday and I haven't touch it at all, due to all the assignments and committments. I know its all down to time management but what to do when everything just decides to clash together. I thought I have planned this week well but just one change of meeting day just ruins everything.

I'm stressing out cause of friday. I want to give my babies a good birthday celebration but there's just so many other things to settle. It's so hard to prepare for it when the other 2 are just plain busy and have no time to meet up to prepare and stuff. Everything just falls on me and I know it would be worth it but I'm just so stressed out.

If only there's more time.

Hopefully, this week will be over as soon as possible. Hell week.

2011-07-24T00:19:00.000+08:00

I'm in the loft right now, in fact, since yesterdayyy.

Yup, so we did sorting and packing today! Thought we would not finish it by today but we did it (y) Finished pretty early too hehehe. I was sosososo tired, seriously. Folded almost 600 pieces of clothing i think. I don't even fold my clothes at home lolol.

Yesssssssss, they're watching anime now and I don't watch them :< #lonergal93 #reverseplanking #likkahobo #stillblogging #hahaha

Hope everything will turn out fine for her.

2011-07-20T23:16:00.000+08:00

Happy birthday to my babies, ncw and winnie! <3

It has been almost 8 years since I know you two and all I can say is that I'm too blessed. No matter what happens, you two (and of course the others) are always here for me. It's not common to see primary school friends still keeping such close contact after so long, even when we're all in different schools. Ohman, come to think of it, 4 of us are in different polys and chicky's in JC. We stayed close all these years and I'm real thankful for that. I know this friendship between us will last forever <3 We are best friends then, now and in the future, forever.

Can't wait to meet all of them on the 29th! I miss you all so much! <3

2011-07-18T23:23:00.000+08:00

I really don't know how to survive this sem :<

CLSP project is like cui, really so screwed. Just hoping for a B/B+ for this.

FMGT is getting more and more cui. There's a change of tutor and I don't understand her :< Lecturer sucks too, her notes are even more sucky. Now I can't even finish the tutorial.

Audit. It's like there's no interest at all and I can't be bothered to do the tutorials. Really just die.

IFA, this one I'm really speechless. I don't listen to the lectures now (okay, this is my fault) and the tutor can't teach AT ALL. Normally, I depend on the tutor to clear my doubts about the module but no, she can't teach for nuts :< Really damn screwed by her.

Moreover, there's so many stuff to settle. I don't know why did I sign up for so many things, I can't handle them all :<

I'm really scared for my results this sem.

sighhhh

2011-07-16T19:12:00.000+08:00

Right now, I sitting at the breakwater while waiting for those slowpokes!!

Today have been real tiring but fun at the same time :> had newspapers collection for project joy today! Good to see people from the last collection event, and this includes the highpoint people :) wasn't as fun as the other time but it was pretty good at the end. Came to know some new friends too! :> :>

Bought this super cool egg shaped ice cream near the mrt. Its like a egg that is filled with ice cream then they will cut off the tip and you just suck it out. But it just keeps oozing out haha! It will burst at the end. Super cool, go have a try!

Went to the bazaar to support wanning&co and kianrong! (y) pretty cool but now I'm broke :<

Just saw the sunset. Amazing max, glad to have my camera here but it don't it justice though :< you got to see it for yourself! Wished you were here to see it with me again though!!

Chalet later ^^
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2011-07-16T00:59:00.000+08:00

Today have been really tiring yet really good.

3 tutorials in a day is really no joke. Almost fell asleep in audit. I don't know why he keeps looking at me and keep wanting me to answer his questions. I'm really very lousy in audit, you know? :< CLSP is another draggy tut. He just keeps asking me questions too, every single week. But I guess its good in a way, I would understand the concept abit better. IFA is ._. The purpose of the whole class is to leave as early as possible. Presentation is just for show cause no one would be listening, Everyone is just waiting for the rep to upload the model answer.

OIP meeting was... no comment. I'm quite intimidated by the people there. Really worried for Bcomm2 :<

Went off for dinner with andy, fiona, manwah, shuting, weiting, wenyue and yenloong at nex for weiting's mini birthday celebration :> Feels good to meet up with them :) Hope weiting enjoyed the surprise :> Hopefully the rest will be able to join us next time, before they go for their internships and me to china :>

I'm really sorry to be unable to stay for juvi today, I'll make it up next week. Sorry :<

2011-07-13T23:01:00.000+08:00

Shall take a break from all the madness and blog something :)

Life have been hectic, reallyreally hectic. This week so far, been going out of the house at 730am and reaching home at 9+ or even 10. So tiring but I guess it would be worth it in the end :)

This week is all about BAShine subcomms and Operation Juvi II! Been spending all my time on this two stuff and I hope we can do great.

Nothing much I guess, tomorrow is yet another long dayyyy!

JIAYOU JIAYOU!

2011-07-08T00:40:00.000+08:00

Okay, just a post to voice out my own opinions and concerns.

It is a wake up call for most of us, or rather, all of us. You might be agitated by what you read but admit it, it is true. It might not be 100% true, but there are some stuff mentioned in there that are veryvery true. What he felt, I felt them too. Personally, I think we are not doing our best. Maybe we're not to blame entirely as all of us have other committments such as studies. However, this is not an excuse I guess. At the very start of this project, they have already warned us that we need to strike a balance between this and our other committments. Yup, it might be tough but we can do it.

Myself, I think I failed this time round. But I do not stop here, I do not want to give up. I want to stand back up again and do it right this time round. I believe all of you can do it too.

This is not a blaming post, I just want to tell you guys that it is not the end, yet. We can still do this thing right and show them, IN THEIR FACE, that we can do it. We can do it and help the others.

When you believe it, you can see it.

2011-07-08T00:27:00.002+08:00

It is always so difficult to accept that someone isn’t going to be part of your life anymore, especially when you’re so young and you think there is still hope for them to somehow make their way into your lives later on. But in some cases, time can’t change anything. I mean, unless in the future someone invents something to bring people back to life, I’m never going to see my brother again. I’m never going to argue with him or wait for him to pick me up from school or have him walk me down the aisle in my wedding day. And in others, time can’t change the fact that some things just end. Like when you drift apart from your best friend. You hope that they call you out of the blue and you can pick up where you left off and be friends again, but they won’t because your friendship did end all those years ago. It’s absolutely crushing how some people who used to be these huge parts of your life become mere memories.

#tumblr

SO TRUE.

2011-07-06T22:05:00.004+08:00

#tumblr

2011-07-03T21:20:00.000+08:00

Its gonna be a busy two weeks, starting from tomorrow. I'm not complaining, cause its all for charity and friends :)

We will survive!

Good luck to all for CLSP Test 2!

HEHEHE

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2011-07-02T13:33:00.001+08:00

1 July 2011, you suck.

First hour into the month and I received a piece of bad news from Joel :< I guess the team was demoralised in one way or another. However, we survived and we're back on track.

Results. 3 papers back and I'm so disappointed with one of them. I know its still a nice grade but not to myself and definitely not to my parents. The only acceptable marks in my family is full marks. I don't even dare to tell them my results, they are sure to shoot me down again, as usual. Well, got to move on from this!

TCP talk was downright demoralising. It just shows us how much NP favoured the scholars more than the other students. If you're not a scholar, you're just forgotten most of the time.

Yet another piece of bad news while with my BFFs, this really left me feeling sad and helpless. But I'm glad that this crisis actually happened as this brought us closer :> We treasure each other more now and we will make it a success.
Last one would be the juniors. Really feeling very disappointed. Its like our efforts are not appreciated. Ohwell.

But then again, last night was so fun! Thanks to Leon for hearing me rant out the unhappiness! I appreciate it :) Totally laughed until cannot take it while talking to him, ann and jianrong lolol. Happy night :>

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2011-06-29T14:22:00.002+08:00

Right now in IFA lecture and seriously just turned off once he start talking.

School has been not bad I guess. Three days into the new term and it has already been a roller coaster ride. Getting back CT results, I'm not sure whether I should be happy or sad.

We were talking about how come getting good results is like a bad thing now. Its like we are afraid of getting good results, afraid of how others will tease/laugh at us. We were also talking bout how our friends will be v happy of us when we get good results in secondary school, but not now. Well, I guess poly is really competitive. Everyone want the others to score lesser than himself/herself. Everyone wants to be the top scorer. Me too, I mean who don't want to score well? But we should be genuinely happy for our friends when they score well. We shouldn't laugh at them and come up with hurtful remarks like "you mugger la.", "stop studying la, you so smart".

I mean yes, we might laugh along sometimes, but it hurts when we realise you're not happy that we scored well.

Yup. That's all, I should be listening now.

Don't assume that I'm talking about anyone, I'm talking bout this issue in general, just a thought after chatting with my friends.

P.s Very proud of Shu Ting for her results! Haha! Keep it up \m/

Really hope that everyone can score well :>

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2011-06-26T00:35:00.000+08:00

Just wanna talk about the awesome fundraising event :> It was a success!

I met up with AiZhen at HP first at 9am. I reached at 830 cause I don't wanna be late. Anyway, we should have went later ._. The IC was late. I guess its kind of irresponsible? Cause it actually delayed the whole event and he got almost 40 people waiting for him alone. Anyway! We went dowsn to pasir ris to meet the rest! And it started raining :< Luckily it stopped after a while and we went to collect the stuff! Sadly, due to the delay, the karang guni guy actually stole the stuff that the residents prepared for us. Sighh.

Some residents were really nice though, one actually wrapped up the whole box nicely and even labelled it for us! One gave us more than 50 books, which is like her private library. Those books are not cheap you know, all were about business and stuff. Nice people are really \m/ Very heartwarming to see them wanting to help out.

Had fun with the volunteers :> Especially when we had to squeeze into the truck with the donations inside already, it was madness lolol. Ann, Eddy and me ate canadian pizza while the rest ate mac #likeaboss Had a mini belated birthday celebration for aizhen as well :>

The whole thing ended around 4 and we went to jurong to sell the stuff. We were so fascinated about the place. There were hundreds huge cubes of papers hahaha. A little disappointed and we feel kind of cheated. Ohwell, at least we learned a lesson. Got to come up with more ways to solve this problem!

For me personally, its not about the amount of money raised, its about the experience gained, the new friends made, to have fun and lastly and most importantly, this money can help the needys and put a smile on their faces.

2011-06-24T21:04:00.002+08:00

A special post for a special someone on a special date.

This post is locked.

If you ever chance upon this post, the password is the username of our blog, that is, if you still remember.

This will be the last post about/for you. No more.

2011-06-22T20:37:00.004+08:00

This post is locked. Ask me for the password if you want.

2011-06-21T01:02:00.001+08:00

Communication is a two-way thing, it can't work if there's only one person trying.

Tonight was great with the team. Steamboat for dinner (y) I guess it's more like a ranting session for leon haha! and a feast for shuting and me! Okay, they claimed that I eat a lot :< seriously la, I'm damn fat now. It's like I just complained about my size the other night then tonight I ate steamboat HAHAHA so stupid. I wish for more dinner dates like this, even with all our busy schedules :< Really glad to have met them both :>

I couldn't sleep last night cause of some reasons. Reality really hit me hard in the face and in the heart as well. It's like millions of knives stabbing my heart at the same time, so painful too painful. But I'm slowly accepting the fact and hopefully I will be good soon. I'm always fine soon after finding out such stuff.

2011-06-20T01:43:00.000+08:00

You know the feeling you feel when you see something you don't want to see?
Yep, that's what I'm feeling right now.

for teaching me how to let go.

2011-06-18T18:41:00.001+08:00

Heyy

I'm waiting for dinner to come, apparently we need to wait for 30mins. Ohwell, good food is always worth it :>

Had the publicity part of BAShine's fundraising todayyyy! Woke up sososo early and I had mac breakfast deluxe first kekeke. Went around giving out flyers and stuff. Ended around 3plus! Only reached home around 5plus #madness why is pasir ris so farrrrrrr. Slept all the way home though heh. Bathed and headed out again :>

I'm like #forevertired but I'm loving what I'm doing now, except for schoolwork. How I wish poly is just about camps and events. Its never gonna happen.

Ohyeah, there's one year3 girl who went along today and she is damn zai. GPA of 3.95 :O and she's currently interning at ernst and young. Hope to be like her!!

I want to thank you for everything.

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2011-06-17T03:26:00.000+08:00

Time: 3:18am

Heyyy!

I had fun today :>

Went to school for EAA presentation. Although I screwed up my individual part, I can see that she's quite impressed with our financial model hehehe. Good job to both of us and I hope we can keep it up! Went back home to grab some stuff before returning back to school for BAShine's first event, NUS Visit! It was really good, for me at least. Came to know more about university stuff and NUS campus. The COP for NUS this year is 3.81 for ACC, cannot imagine what will it be when I'm in year3 #thehorror

The visit ended around 5pm and I went off to find clique :> Had DTF for dinner and awfully chocolate ice cream for dessert :> Walked around and we sat down to take lots and lots of photos. Really enjoyed myself, hope there's more gatherings like this!

we are not your backup plan. I'm so disappointed in you, never thought that you would turn out like this. You do not ask others out after you have agreed to go out with us THEN ditched us for them, even if that guy is your boyf whatsoever. To think I always put friends first. To think that I lost him partly cause of friends. This is what I get. Disappointed.

2011-06-15T23:17:00.000+08:00

It all started with you, and the way you acted like you were all nice and good and perfect. And honestly, I don’t think you meant to hurt me the way you did, the way you keep hurting me still. I never thought that these sorts of situations could actually arise out of honest mistakes, but this has. But that doesn’t excuse why you kept doing it. Why one day you can act so sweet and wonderful and hug and kiss me and make me feel wonderful, and then you dash them the next by not talking to me for weeks. I was able to deal with it at first, but now I’ve been knocked down too many times to deal with this. This has all gotten too toxic for me. All I ever wanted in the first place was just a confirmation that you wouldn’t totally fuck me over, but you couldn’t do that. But it doesn’t matter in the end, because you have. Because of these things that you did, I am never going to be able to look at relationships the same. There will always be this little flame of being unsure alive in my chest because of the way you have used me, and I absolutely hate you for this because I shouldn’t have to be like this yet.

I’ve been tossing and turning for two hours and sleep still hasn’t taken me. I could go back to pretending you’re here or I’m there. The night is the best time for those imaginary scenerios. You would be the big spoon of course. Tell each other all about our days. I would rub your back while you told me a bedtime story or sang. There would be an eskimo kiss before falling asleep fingers intertwined. I might wake up first and be a creep and watch you sleep before I go and make you pancakes for breakfast. You will never be here though and I will never be there. I sure can pretend though while I fall asleep to your playlist.

tumblr.

2011-06-15T19:01:00.000+08:00

Heyyy

Today is such a lazy day and I'm loving it :> Been a long time since I can do nothing at all. Heh but sadly, the work will come in tomorrow again, starting from EAA presentation. #sadlifeissad

Went for BA Appreciation camp from monday and I left yesterday night :> It was a blast! Although there are only two Y2s in the group, but its nice knowing the freshies. Games were fun and we went sentosa too! Learned how to dance Hoot too! Hehehe. We are Gryffindor say we are Gryffindor! (y)

I really like to cheer HEHEHE

BAShine's first event tomorrow! Can't wait! :> let's do it!

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2011-06-12T05:09:00.000+08:00

Time: 4:54am

I'm hungry.

Anyway, shall talk bout after-CTs- activities! :> Wanna write it down here so I can read back and reminisces, like how I like to read my old posts sometimes.

Thursday was picnic with awesome of 10! Was late but not the latest! :> I almost died while walking from the mrt to esplandade ._. I was holding on to my laptop, phone, itouch and 2 bottles of 1.5L drinks. My arms almost broke hahaha. Had a pretty fun time playing the childhood games! Yiying had to do some forfeits which were funny max. Oh, I needa upload the videos soon! After the picnic, some went home so junze joel dexter and me went to watch hangover2! It was vvvv funny and sick! hahaha, I think I laughed throughout the movie, you guys should go watch it! :>

After that, I went to MBS to meet shuting, huixin, shimin, joshua and yacob for stayover! :> The view is pretty amazing. Watched insidious and it wasn't even scary ._. Was so disappointed. Wanna go there one day for stayover with the BFFs <3

Friday was movie with cgpz and chompchomp for dinner with BFFs! :> Waited sososo long for the #foreverlate cgpz. Haha but she is forgiven cause she treated me to popcorn! ^^ Watched kungfu panda 2! Quite funny and Baby Po is so cuteeeeeeeee. After which we went to the IT fair to get portable chargers! Walked out quite long I guess, saw a lot of friends working there :> Did not buy anything in the end ._.

Rushed off to Nex to meet ncw and chicky! Went to chompchomp to eat! We ordered a lot, like seriously a lot. The three girls beside our table were talking about us, probably the amount of food we ate lol. They only ordered 3 dishes while we ordered like 9 dishes!! We must have consumed like 4000+ calories that night HAHAHA. It's okay though, I enjoyed myself :) Shall go there again soon, with charlotte and winnie along!

Went out with hongzxc, junze, jianhao and nobel today. Had awesome ramen for dinner and we went to scape for flea! Got my portable charger :> Went to support yuhan's event at scape! Really had fun laughing with jianhao and kelly for the whole event hahaha. Went home after the event ended.

Alright, I guess its time for me to sleep now :> Goodnight all!

2011-06-11T23:20:00.000+08:00

I once promised someone that I would post this here. However, I'm changing the answers cause things changed but i would still put it as 2010.

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 100 Truths about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you.
WHAT WAS YOUR:

1. Last beverage: plain water

2. Last phone call: Jian Hao
3. Last text message: I'm lazy to check.

4. Last song you listened to: Breakthrough
5. Last time you cried: I guess its a few nights before.

HAVE YOU EVER:

7. Been cheated on: yeah.

8. Kissed someone & regretted it: not really.

9. Lost someone special: Yeah.

10. Been depressed: uh huh

11. Been drunk and threw up: nope, I don't drink much.

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLOURS:

12. Purple

13. Red

14. Blue

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2010)

15. Made a new friend: manymanymany!

16. Fallen out of love: yeah :<

17. Laughed until you cried: yeah, with my friends, always!

18. Met someone who changed you: uh huh

19. Found out who your true friends were: kind of.

20. Found out someone was talking about you: yeah.

21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: nope.

22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: mostly.

23. How many kids do you want to have: 1

24. Do you have any pets: Nah, but my house is filled with them ._.
25. Do you want to change your name: change the last word, everyone is confused with it ;o

26. What did you do for your last birthday: With everyone I love. It was a great 17th for me :)
27. What time did you wake up today: 2.30pm!! :O

28. What were you doing at midnight last night: watching grey's anatomy and just thinking thinking thinking
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: Xiamen! :>
30. Last time you saw your mum: just now.
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: too many to list. Oh well, my life is full of regrets.

32. What are you listening to right now: keyboard sound

33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: I love Tom.
34. What's getting on your nerves right now: Something that I can't control or stop.

35. Most visited webpage: Twitter I guess.
36. What's your real name: Marissa Lim Li Jing

37. Nicknames: masa, maris, maomao, mar,mao^2,hairy, mari, mali, emomali .___.

38. Relationship Status: single and married with my wifey <3

39. Zodiac sign: Virgo.

40. Male or female?: Female

41. Elementary: Marymount Convent School

42. Middle School: Beatt Secondary School

43. High school/college?: Ngee Ann Polytechnic

44. Hair colour: Black
46. Height: 160cm

47. Do you have a crush on someone?: not really

48: What do you like about yourself?: i paint a smile on my face for everyone.

49. Piercings: ears
50. Tattoos: soon soon.

51. Righty or lefty: Righty

FIRSTS :

52. First surgery: not yet, but Idw any.

53. First piercing: ears

54. First best friend: some girl called emily in primary 1.

55. First sport you joined: skipping.

56. First vacation: thailand.

RIGHT NOW

59. Eating: Nope

60. Drinking: Drinking my saliva

61. I'm about to: scratch my legs, so many mosquitoe bites ._.

62. Listening to: keyboard sounds

63. Waiting on: someone who will never come back anymore.

YOUR FUTURE :

64. Want kids?: Yes.

65. Get Married?: maybe.

66. Career?: Auditor/poa teacher/accountant

WHICH IS BETTER

67. Lips or eyes: Eyes

68. Hugs or kisses: Can I have both? :>

69. Shorter or taller: Taller

70. Older or Younger: Older or same age

71. Romantic or spontaneous: both I also want.

72. Nice stomach or nice arms: arms

73. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive

74. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship

75. Trouble maker or hesitant: Hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER :

76. Kissed a stranger: No

77. Drank hard liquor: Yup.
78. Lost glasses/contacts: nope.

79. Sex on first date: NO

80. Broken someone's heart: yeah.

82. Been arrested: No

83. Turned someone down: Yeah

84. Cried when someone died: uh huh.

85. Fallen for a friend?: Yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

86. Yourself: sometimes.

87. Miracles: maybe.

88. Love at first sight: Yes

89. Heaven: Yes

90. Santa Claus: No

91. Kiss on the first date: Maybe, if the feeling's right, why not?

92. Angels: Yes

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: No

95. Did you sing today?: Yeah

96. Ever cheated on somebody?: No

97. If you could go back in time: I want to come back to the time where there was me and you.
98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it?: yeah, May 24th.
99. Are you afraid of falling in love?: yes, very.

100. Posting this as 100 truths?: Yes, of course!

So much has changed..

2011-06-09T00:56:00.000+08:00

HEYYYY!

Today marks the end of CTs :> Happygal93!! :> FMGT was pretty alright and I left early again. Can't stand the anxiety that I faced while staring at the time lolol. Met up with sec2 clique and we went to eat DTF. XLBs om nomnomnomnom. After which we went redmango to have awesome yogurt and to catch up! Pretty good day :) Love days like this.

Picnic with awesome of 10 later and stayover at mbs afterwards! LIFE IS GOOD :>

Awesome XLBs, xlb buffet for next outing \m/

Hope you like your presents! <3

Hah poorboi93 here, he had to type in the korean words one by one into his phone to translate them!

HER DOUBLECHIN IS PRETTY EPIC HERE HAHAHA

Red Mango hiakhiakhiak

PEACE OUT \M/

2011-06-07T18:39:00.001+08:00

NYANNYANNYANNYANNYAN

Hi.

Tomorrow marks the end of my third CT week in NP. Sigh so stressful like what only. Especially when your friends are all so hardworking and smart. Bleh.

Been wanting alone time these few days or rather weeks O.O to be honest, I'm scared of this. I don't feel like making conversations with people and this sucks. Maybe I'm scared that I'm too boring or something. Sigh. Need to overcome this and be more interesting or something so that people won't get bored of me ._. ._. #failmari

Ahhhhh its FMGT tomorrow and I'm still at the second page. If I screw up fmgt such like how I screwed audit today, imma cry ._.

On a brighter note, gonna meet my friends tomorrow! :> :> something to look forward to nyannyannyannyan
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2011-06-04T15:54:00.001+08:00

Just finished CLSP test and I'm heading to library to study.

Can't help but to miss those days where you will accompany me to school for CTs and bring along your school jacket for me cause you're worried it will get very cold. You will wait for me to finish the tests and we will head out to study together. Those were the days.

Okay, let's studyyyyyyy!

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2011-05-30T20:31:00.000+08:00

Wow, what a dream. Here comes all the memories again. This is not what I wanted, really. Can't believe one could actually wake up crying ._. This suckssssssss.

The scenes in the dream are still so vivid, argh. Forget forget forget.

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2011-05-29T02:29:00.000+08:00

HELLO!

I'm lying on my bed right now, with the laptop on my fat chubby stomach.

Anyway, went to ECP to cycle with this bunch of awesome people! :> Cycled from ecp to changi and back. Omg it was so tiring but I feel so acomplished!! Almost fell down while avoiding kids on the road. I think i super act smart, trying to cycle while answering a call #failmarissa Got a small cut and one super huge blueblack D:

Ohyeah, everyone was late except for fiona, manwah, sokwan and me T.T Punctuality might be a bad thing here hahaha. Okay, so after that we met up with hongzxc, yuhan, roxanne and weiting for dinner!! :> Dinner was a ripoff though. sigh, no change from the previous time I went.

Saw CGPZ <3 I miss youuuuuuuuuuuuuu!

AND WE DIDNT GO TO THE BREAKWATER T.T still so sad over this :(

Still haunted by the places we went tgt before. eeeeeee

2011-05-28T02:08:00.001+08:00

Sometimes we see things that aren’t meant to be seen.
Sometimes things aren’t always as they seem.
Sometimes we need someone to call our own,
Especially when we’re alone.
Sometimes people just can’t understand,
Why things get out of hand.
Sometimes life just isn’t fair,
Especially when people just don’t care.
And sometimes it's hard to say,
Why things have to be this way.
Sometimes it’s all you can do to get by,
Especially when dreams continue to die.
Sometimes it’s nice to sit in the rain.
Even to just relieve the pain.
And when we’ve had a really bad day,
Sometimes we just need to get away.
We never know what’s wrong with our pain.
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.
And sometimes when people get hurt,
Even the strongest ones may need comfort.

By: Kristin

We just got to move with the flow. Wake up and the battle starts again. Fight hard everything and you know there won't be regrets at the end of the journey :)

2011-05-25T19:49:00.000+08:00

I'm glad I survived through that day and yup, I'm now happiegal93!! :>

Elearning week really sucks, the workload is almost x2 ._. The tutors might have thought we are all superman/woman. This is mad crazy.

Just hope everything goes well.

2011-05-25T01:03:00.002+08:00

Yup, it hurts freaking bad. It hurts even more cause its not the first time already.

2011-05-24T00:47:00.001+08:00

Why aren't you here? I'm here, I'm still here waiting.

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2011-05-23T20:34:00.001+08:00

Just survived monday! :> went for meeting at 10am and did project from 12 to 8plus :< it was pure torture! Can you imagine the excel file was slowly sucking my brain juice away. Hahaha.

Meeting was good :> I seems to enjoy these meeting with them heh. So excited for batam!! :>

Its yet another long day tomorrow. FMGT make up tutorial, projects and lastly, meeting for opjuvi. Hope it will be good!

Elearning week and I'm going to school everyday, what a life :<

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2011-05-23T01:29:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry for all those whines but I'm just so broken.

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2011-05-21T11:12:00.000+08:00

I woke up with sadness overwhelming me. Its like everything is not going right. And I hate it, I hate it to the core.

Friends, studies, cca and other stuff are making my life outright miserable.

What do you do when you tried your best and yet your friends doesn't even appreciate it? Maybe I'm stubborn but time is running out. We can't afford to waste time now. All I want is for everyone to be happy. Is that a request that is ridiculous?

I feel so helpless in studies, something that I never encounter before. All the stress, I can't manage. I want good results this sem but I can feel it slipping away through my hands already. This is not acceptable at all. Many have high expectations of me and I don't want to fail them. And this is causing me tremendous stress.

Yesterday, I actually closed my twitter for a while, which is pretty unusual for me. Every night, it hurts, so much that I can't take it. I might sound so loser-ish but I can't help it.

you. Its always you, isn't it. My words and actions don't tally and it sucks.

I hate myself for feeling like this. I want to be happy but life isn't gonna make my life easy.

and it seems like those thoughts are back, again.

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2011-05-20T21:50:00.000+08:00

I feel so guilty. I should stop all of this.

2011-05-18T22:10:00.001+08:00

What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right

Heyy!

I just wanna talk bout the outing with my BFFs :> even though ncw and winnie didn't make it D: School and almost everything else is always in the way. It was great catching up and shopping with charlotte and chicky :> It amazes me that our friendships are still going strong after so many years. Really, how many of you still keep such close contact with your primary mates? I believed its just a handful of you. To think I have known charlotte for 11 years already. I'm really glad to meet this bunch of people <3

Next day was Vesak day! I thought I can spend it with my mum, like finally cause we are just so busy with work and studies. But no :< They left me alone here in S'pore. Aiya got used to it alr, its not the first time anyway. They can even go overseas while I have my exams, what's new? Anyway! Spent it with shuting, just chilling and doing the stupid IFA, which reminds me that she told me we got a lot of wrongs :< #emo Went to eat korean food and I think I almost vomited ._. Forever too greddy seriously HAHAHA.

Today was pure torture ._. 9am to 6pm. Halfway through, I felt the world turning round and round. I think I almost blackout ._. Slept for 1 hr in IFA cause I really can't take it anymore. CLSP make up lecture was good though :) Am glad that I survived school today :>

Was browsing through http://www.fuckyeahtattoo.tumblr.com/ in EAA. I'm thinking of getting a tattoo when I turn 18! What should I tattoo? Guess I will get one at my wrist. But I'm kind of scared of the pain :/ We'll see. Can't help but think back, we were supposed to get a temporary tattoo together last time HAHAHA. #dumb I know, but it was so sweet last time. ohwell, its over :)

I feel happy when the people around me are happy :>

2011-05-17T22:58:00.000+08:00

It was a good day spent with shuting.

but this have to come and ruin it. ARGH was freaking angry at myself. WHY AM I SO DUMB? WHY, TELL ME WHY.

SHOULD HAVE JUST KEPT MY MOUTH SHUT AND KEEP IT TO MYSELF. WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU, MARISLIM.

2011-05-16T17:34:00.000+08:00

I'm just sitting down, having some alone time. So much to think about. So many things that I want to accomplish.

I'm just thinking bout what I'm gonna change about my life. Easy to say, hard to do, as usual. Its always "today I'm gonna do this! Let's go!" Yet I won't complete it/gave up half way. So much for determination huh, marislim.

Everyday I try. I really did try. And I won't stop until I achieve what I want. I will succeed, one day :>

What a random post, again. Sometimes I feel like locking my blog cause all I post about are senseless stuff in my mind.

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2011-05-15T16:15:00.002+08:00

Some friends don’t understand this. They don’t understand how desperate I am to have someone say, I love you and I support you just the way you are because you’re wonderful just the way you are. They don’t understand that I can’t remember anyone ever saying that to me. I am so demanding and difficult for my friends because I want to crumble and fall apart before them so that they will love me even though I am no fun, lying in bed, crying all the time, not moving. Depression is all about If you loved me you would.

Tumblr.

too paranoid and it ain't a good thing. Not at all.

2011-05-14T18:53:00.001+08:00

My mind's frustration weighs

Heavier than failure.

Alas, my heart and I

Know not how to endure.

Life is unfair and we all know that.

2011-05-11T00:14:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I ask myself, why am I trying so hard when others just don't appreciate it. Been trying too hard and I don't get the results I want. Been disappointed too many times.

Ohwell, School have been real sucky, as usual. My brain cells, I hope you guys are surviving well D: School work is really demoralising. Sigh don't wanna talk about it alr ._.

OHYEAH. I have finally finally finally did something (Y) Finally! :> Happy iz me :> Shall not say whats that, you can ask me in real life though! haha! But then again, don't think anyone reads my blog nowadays.

I'm just blogging to avoid doing schoolwork ._.

SCHOOL SUCKS.